Should I Call Her or Text Her First?
There are two ways to look at this question and I’ll give you answers to both.
This question could mean two different things:
- Should I contact her before she contacts me?
- Should I text her first, before or instead of calling her?
I’ll answer both so let’s take a look the first possible way of looking at the question: “Should I contact her before she contacts me?”
If you want the answer to the question: “Should I text her before I call her?” you can find it below this section.
Should I Contact Her Before She Contacts Me?
So, the answer for the first one: should I contact her before she contacts me?”
The answer: Yes. Unless she contacts you first, of course. In which case, it has now become physically impossible to call her first unless you have the ability to travel back in time (and we know all you time-travelers out there can call her whenever you damn well please).
Now, for all you non-time-travelling readers out there here are the rules for you to follow:
Generally, we want to call (yes, I said call) her within 4-8 days of getting her phone number after a normal 3-10 minute conversation. If you had a shorter first interaction then lean more towards waiting 4 days. If you had a longer first interaction then lean more towards 7-8 days.
Waiting several days to call her always benefits you in the long run (and when you meet a great girl, it will benefit her too).
Crazy or low self-esteem girls will sometimes get mad or try to guilt-trip you for making them wait (see our article on guilt-tripping). This is good for you since you can promptly dump them and go find a better girl who isn’t crazy.
Girls who weren’t into you will often completely forget about you, saving you time and money you might have otherwise wasted trying to pursue a girl that was going nowhere.
Girls who are into you will be happy when you finally do call because they have been anxiously hoping you would call for the last few days (this is a good thing). The more your actions keep her guessing about how into her you really are, the better. Her thinking about you all day, hoping you’ll call, wondering what she could do to make you like her, is a good thing.
Occasionally, women will even call you first (good sign!)
Waiting several days to call her also allows you to build the self-control, confidence and poise needed to differentiate yourself from all the needy guys who have been pursuing her all her life. It’s rare that a beautiful woman meets a guy who doesn’t go crazy the minute she shows any interest in him. Our view is that she isn’t all that special no matter how beautiful, stunning, into us, or [insert whatever floats your boat] she is until she has proven herself over a long period of time.
The final answer? Calling her first doesn’t factor into your decision. You aren’t waiting for her to call you and you aren’t in a race to call her first. You’re on your own path. You can simply sit back and plan on calling her 4-8 days after meeting her (or 4-8 days after a date to ask her out again) unless she happens to call you and invite you out on a date first.
“Should I text her before I call her?”
We’ve written about it again and again.
Texting hurts you more than it helps with women - especially if she keeps trying to start text conversations with you and especially if she is hot and used to guys texting her all the time.
See our blog posts on Texting a Girl.
In almost all circumstances, you want to call her for your first contact. Really you should call her every time you contact her in the early days.
(The only time I give the women I’m dating positive reinforcement for texting me is when they send sexy pictures of themselves, but that’s another story.)
Establish early on with women that you don’t do the whole texting thing. You don’t have to say it. She’ll understand simply by your actions. Again, read our posts on Texting a Girl.
The Final Verdict: Should I Call Her or Text Her First?
Yes. Call her. Invite her out on a date. It doesn’t matter if she contacts you first or not. Take the initiative and stop waiting to react to whatever she does.
Jack D. Serrano