Shh. Stop talking. Start listening. Amazing things will happen to your dating life.
Dating Tips For Shy Guys
By recent reader request (you can suggest a blog topic on the right-side column), I’ve whipped up some of my thoughts on quiet guys / shy guys and how they can do great with women using our advice.
Despite typical stereotypes of the shy, nerdy guy vs. the outgoing, life-of-the-party guy, quietness can be a major advantage when it comes to dating.
So here we go, it’s myth busting time!
Dating Tips For Shy Guys: Myth Busting
Today’s culprit: “Quiet guys don’t get girls. Outgoing, talkative guys do!”
First off, I’m going to grant that the gregarious, social guys can have some advantages over naturally quiet guys. Here they are:
- They tend to meet meet more women without trying. Since they’re out in social places and are good at / like to meet new people, they just happen to meet more women than guys who are quiet do
- They tend to find themselves at the center of attention more often than quiet guys. This lends itself to more people generally assuming that they are more successful with women.
- They appeal to a certain type of women. Certain types of women really dig the extroverted, outgoing kind of dudes. Who knows why? (Our friend Wild Speculating Bob thinks it’s because their fathers were extroverts as well, but that’s just speculation.)
Yes, there are some unique features about being outgoing, but none of them are inherent to being a talkative, social and outgoing guy.
Quiet guys can take different paths and different spins on central themes while cultivating these same core principles that underlie these superficial ‘advantages.’
Quiet Guys And Meeting More Women
One of the biggest turning points in my own ability to make my dating life more fulfilling as a somewhat naturally introverted guy was when I started going out to talk to at least 30 women as a daily commitment (which eventually became the basis for our online training course, The Revolution!).
What blows my mind is that I personally know guys who lord over small bars, pull easily from clubs and have absolute no trouble schmoozing with everyone at parties, yet are absolutely terrified of opening themselves up and striking up conversations with women at bus stops, in cafes, at bookstores, on the train, around town on the street, at the mall, at the gym, etc.
Other guys who were self-described “quiet-types” and “introverts” picked up the idea core concept (meeting more women gives me more chances to find ones that like me!) and now meet women on a scale of 10s to 100s of times faster than said ‘outgoing’ dudes.They simply go about it in different ways. One of our students (a self described ‘shy guy’) doesn’t enjoy night life, isn’t a fan of big social gatherings and insists he can’t ‘hold court’ with a large group of people, but is extremely happy and effective by meeting women out and about town where he can talk to them one-to-one with virtually 0% chance of interruption.
Fact of the matter is, the so-called bread & butter locations of meeting women (bars and clubs) is really, truly NOT for everyone. In fact, those locales are probably not good choices for the vast majority of guys looking to improve their dating lives in any capacity.
Then again, the same might be said of meeting women on the street, in cafes, in bookstores, in trains / buses, etc. Each and every individual guy needs to find out for himself where and when works best for himself – the key point being that it doesn’t matter whether he’s social or shy, the amount of women he meets is going to play a large role in determining his options.
Dating Tips For Shy Guys: Build A Strong Image As The Strong And Silent Type
Ever hear of James Bond? How about Indiana Jones? John Wayne? Clint Eastwood, anyone?
It’s not that they’re quiet because they don’t know what to say – their silence IS what they’re saying.
I’m a big fan of keeping my mouth shut on dates because:
- It gives me less chances to say something stupid and shoot myself in the foot.
- It set up opportunities to make the women I’m dating laugh through comedic understatement.
- And most importantly, “The wise eagle hides its talons” as the old fortune cookie wisdom goes. Or, for more American wisdom, recall old Teddy’s “Speak softly and carry a big stick.” Similar idea, different phrasing.
You can be silent while still cultivating that image of strength. When the situation asks for it, we deliver big time – perfect for quiet guys looking to build a massively powerful image.
Dating Tips For Shy Guys: Lots Of Women Like Quiet Guys
There’s no accounting for taste.
What does it for one dude might have no effect on another. Same thing for women.
While the “talkative guy gets the girl” assumption still gets tossed around as an assumption, it overlooks the fact that some women simply love quiet guys. (Our friend Wild Speculating Bob says it’s because their fathers were introverts, but that’s just speculation.)
There is a lot to be said about her preferences. Was her father an introvert or extrovert, and did she have a good relationship with him? Was he talkative, or relatively silent? What about her past boyfriends who she really liked – outgoing, or quiet? What about other men in her life that have had major positive or negative effects?
Consider all these questions before just assuming shy guys aren’t unattractive to any given woman. She might be FIENDING for a shy guy, and all he needs to do is say “Hi, what’s your name?” to get the ball rolling – she’ll be happy to take care of the rest.
Talkative Vs. Quiet Guys
It’s not to say that outgoing guys DON’T get girls – some extremely social dudes I know are also perfectly happy and satisfied with their dating lives.
The point is that the whole idea of talkative vs. shy guys is superficial at best, and a harmful non-sequitur, B.S. excuse at worst.
BOTH types of guys can enjoy extremely happy and abundant dating lives.
And while outgoing guys tend to “accidentally” achieve those advantages more often (meeting lots of women, being the center of attention and finding women who want their type), quiet / shy guys can just as easily tap into these core advantages WITHOUT having to don the ‘social dude’ mask by pretending to be someone they’re not.
Also, one more pointer for guys of all dispositions to keep in mind during conversations while meeting and/or dating women – never underestimate the power of simply raising an eyebrow and turning your head slightly. This alone can both carry a conversation from the guys’ end without saying a single word while have women lol’ing their heads off.
Be Amazing,
John Robie
How to Get More Sex, Easier Dates and Better Relationships
We train men in the techniques, mindsets, and skills necessary to quickly and easily take control of their sex life, find more joy and success in dating, and build stronger, more fulfilling relationships with much higher quality women.
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I’m that recent reader who requested this. Thanks so much for coming through! I could quibble with a point here and there, but I certainly don’t want to be an ingrate, so I’ll just say…great article!
Maybe a somewhat similar topic would be guys who are left-brained, logical, and not particularly warm & fuzzy in their communication style. Surely that’s a disadvantage with women?
Hey JD, you’re welcome. Always happy to get article requests. Also, feel free to quibble points – it’s all fun and games here.
Left-brained and logical are fine. No disadvantages there. Lacking warm & fuzzy communication could be a disadvantage in certain situations… But I don’t see how lacking a warm & fuzzy communication is connected with being left-brained and logical – these are two unmatching puzzle pieces that have been mashed together. I know plenty of left-brained and logical guys who learned how to communicate with women just fine.
JR
Of course the work for shy girls!
All it requires is for you to go up to him and say ‘Hi! What’s your name?’
It’s that simple.
Really.
If he likes you he’ll be happy to give you his name, ask yours, and now the ball is rolling.
Pretty much everything we write here on the Date-Masters blog could easily be applied by women to find a great guy that’s really into them, too.
And that whole ‘girls are not supposed to approach guys’ meme is based on a lot of misunderstandings and mis-information (some might even go so far as to say dis-information).
Yes, traditionally, it’s been the man who does the ‘picking’ and the woman who does the ‘choosing.’
But strong women (and yes, even shy women can be strong even if they don’t always show it) know they have nothing to lose and everything to gain by doing the picking AND the choosing.
When you walk up to a guy and say ‘Hi, what’s your name?’ you will find out pretty quick if he’s into you or not.
That’s great news!
If he is, then it’s all good. Now YOU can decide if you actually like him based on what he says to you, his personality, his image, etc.
And if he isn’t into you then it’s still good. You’ve saved yourself time wasting time wondering if he likes you, losing sleep crushing on someone who isn’t into you, waiting for him to ‘notice’ you and approach you, yada-yada.
PLUS it teaches you to have the courage to go after what you want in life rather than wait for whatever comes your way.
One of my bestest friends was in a bar with all her girlfriends when she noticed a tall, handsome, good-looking guy walk into the place. ‘OMG! He’s gorgeous!’ she thought. She pointed at him and then said to her pals, “THAT is my future husband. Only he doesn’t know it, yet. But he will!” and with that she stood up, walked on up to him, smiled and said “Hi. What’s your name?”
They’ve been happily married now for almost 10 years.
The stuff we post here on the DM blog has all been tested by men AND women.
It works and it works wonderfully.
Thanks for writing and
Be Amazing.
Douglas Hall
I wonder if these tips work well for shy girls. I can never approach a guy I like. I know girls are not supposed to, but that limits our choices.