As my favorite philosopher of the 20th Century (Cyndi Lauper) famously said: Money! Money changes everything!!
How Much Should You Spend On A First Date?
We weighed in on the age-old, controversial topic “Who should pay?” with an earlier article – in short, we think the guy should pay because it gives him more useful information about his date than if he chooses not to and saves his him money in the long run. Now, since we’re assuming we guys are paying, we’ll give our perspective on how much money we should spend on the first date.
Also, to be clear, we recommend going on a Time Limited Coffee Date (TLCD) before going on a “proper” first date. On TLCDs, buying yourself and her a drink shouldn’t cost more than $10 US, even less is better. Keep it simple, keep it inexpensive, keep it short.
Two big reasons:
- No use investing a lot of time, energy, money and emotion in a stranger who we may never see again. Sitting down over coffee for 45-75 minutes gives both parties tons of information that they’ll use to decide whether or not to send / accept any more date offers.
- By keeping TLCDs and dates 1-10 inexpensive, it will anger and drive away gold-diggers + other women with nefarious plans for you bank account. Save the more involved and expensive plans for girls who you’ve put through the screening process
From the first proper date after the TLCD about the 10th or 11th date, we recommend keeping it under $20-$30 a date. This might get a little tricky, as we also recommend including a fun, exciting activity AND a meal while planning dates.
So how do we keep things within budget those first ten dates?
Activities: keep the activities free / cheap. Here’s a slightly less personal list of the activities we recommend for the first ten dates: frisbee, badmitton, ping-pong, billiards, darts, ice skating, arcades / game centers, playing catch, batting cages, putt-putt golf and the driving range. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have any skill in these things – if she’s into you, it’ll be hilarious and fun anyway.
Meals: if the activities are free, then it should be easier to keep the meal portion in the $10-20 for two range. Here’s an extremely personal, subjective list of the kinds of meals I like for those first ten dates: sandwiches (about $10 for two), picnic (goes good with free activities like frisbee, groceries for picnic food can be between $5-20), or ice cream (although it’s not a proper ‘meal’ it still serves the same function on a date, about $5-15 depending on the store).
If she’s generous, she’ll offer to pitch in. Accept and let her from the second date on if she offers, but NEVER assume she will. Always bring enough cash for your date plan for both yourself and the girl. One way to let her pay is this:
You: (Paying for an activity or meal)
Her: Oh! How much?
You: Don’t worry, I got it.
Her: Really?! Thanks!
You: You can buy me a new car next time. (She probably laughs) Or, you can get the next meal. That works too.
Her: Ok!
After the 10th date or so, it’s up to you and your budget on how much you spend on date. If she’s proven over the course of several months that she’s totally into, she has a great core personality that matches with yours, and continues to bring her A-Game to every date, then occasionally taking her out for an expensive dinner or giving her a gift is probably ok. Until then, run a tight ship.
Be Amazing,
John Robie
How to Get More Sex, Easier Dates and Better Relationships
We train men in the techniques, mindsets, and skills necessary to quickly and easily take control of their sex life, find more joy and success in dating, and build stronger, more fulfilling relationships with much higher quality women.
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Maybe this advice might work for teenagers or undergrad college students who are on a tight budget. But if you are 30+, both have a real jobs and if a guy I was dating waited until even the 6th or 7th date, let alone the 10th or 11th date to take me out for a meal that cost over $10-15, I’d stop seeing him.
Hi Melissa, thanks for the comment.
It does quite well, thanks for point this out. Also works for teenagers and/or undergrads who have a flexible budget as well.
And this advice still works here.
One reason (among many) we teach our guys to keep the first 10 dates inexpensive is to weed out women who aren’t actually into them as people. Women who are looking for attention, a free meal or an asset to hook are weeded out and driven away by our strategies. Not to say they aren’t nice people, but they’re not the kind of women we want to date.
Over the long run not only does this keep guys’ hearts and wallets safe, only really great women are left hanging on. Our guys have dated well beyond 11 dates women from influential political families, PhD professors, high end saleswomen, professional cheerleaders, and TV personalities without breaking the bank on fancy meals until later on their relationships (heck, one of our guys using this even married a successful entrepreneur recently!). These women were more than happy to have a cup of coffee on the first date, an ice cream cone on the second, sandwiches the third, a small picnic the fourth, etc… because they were with guys they actually liked.
If a guy and a girl are going to be together for the next 50 years, they have plenty of time to take things slow, get to know each other over time and proceed carefully without making any major investment (financially or emotionally) before finding out just exactly who their potential partner is.
Thanks again for the comment, and good luck hunting.
Be Amazing,
JR