Are You Afraid Of Using The Word ‘Date’?
Many of the Pick Up Artists and even lots of mainstream dating advice out there cautions guys to avoid dating (or even using the word date). Instead, they recommend “hanging out,” or “meeting up” with women whose numbers they’ve received. It’s time to shed some light on this misguided advice and give you a dose of reality right to the face.
The idea behind the whole ‘avoid using the word date’ gambit is based on the pop-evolutionary psychology idea that women are looking for both a provider and mate, and that by dating or simply using the word date, guys are falling into the provider trap, thus the woman is less likely to have sex with them.
Our experience tells a different tale. And while all of the Pick Up Artist theory sounds rational and logical, this is another place where their theory is simply fantasy.
In practice, those guys have even gone so far to take the concepts of “first date,” and “second date” and replace them with “Day” plus the corresponding amount of “Days” they’ve seen the girl. Thus the first meeting is Day 1, then first date is “Day 2,” the second date is “Day 3,” and so on.
While PUAs and other dating advisers argue that dating is antiquated, we’ve found that, in fact, embracing this ‘retro’ word becomes the sword that cleaves the Gordian knot. We don’t just use the word ‘date’. We own the word. When you can do that, the entire process of dating and being unafraid of dating helps separate you from all the boys out there trying to avoid calling a date a date.
For starters, using the word date cuts through the following BS:
- It protects us from girls who would want to friendzone us (dates aren’t for friends, we want to make that very clear).
- It weeds out lots of girls who aren’t into us (honest girls who aren’t into us don’t want to go on a date).
- It shaves away false positives: women who are willing to talk, flirt, hang out and get attention from dudes, but aren’t willing to get closer than that.
- It gives a chance to clarify what exactly our plans our with any given girl in an upfront and straightforward manner so that she can decide if that is what she wants (if you don’t think any girl will want you if you’re honest then read our post on self-esteem).
I recently met a woman on the street, asked for her number and had the following conversation.
Me: Tell me your number.
Her: My number? Why?
Me: So I can call you and ask you on a date.
Her: Oh… Like… as friends?
Me: NO. Not as friends. As a daaaaaaaaaaaaaate.
Her: A date…?
Me: Yep. A date.
Her: Wait, what do you mean by date?
Me: A date is when two people get coffee or do something fun to see if they like each other and are good for each other. You know, “like-like” each other, as in, more than friends. Let’s say the girl likes the guy at the end of the first date. She invites him out for another date. And if he likes her from the first date, he’ll accept her invitation and they’ll go out on another one. That’s dating… Not friends.
Her: Oh, ok!
After using the word date to clarify and explain my goals, this particular girl didn’t give me her number.
And whenever I come across women who ARE into me right from the get-go, using the word date is like music to their ears. “OMG! Yes! He asked me for a date! I can’t believe it!”
Of course, there is a downside to wielding “date-as-a-word” in this manner – there’s a requisite level balls and humility that comes along with using it. Saying “date” does speed up the interaction: if she’s into you, it’ll move things in the right direction right off the bat. Likewise, if she’s not into you, it’ll END the interaction very quickly. Not every guys’ ego can handle the perception that they’ve been turned down (even though the other option is to get stringed along in a series of lukewarm “hang outs” that never go anywhere.)
Personally, I want to be upfront and straightforward so that I can spend as little time as possible with time-wasters and girls who aren’t all that interested in me so that I can find the really wonderful women who like me even quicker. It’s all about opportunity-cost.
Start using the word date like a real man. It’s a lot cooler, more effective and holds far more dignity than trying sneak into her pants with the “let’s hang out” tactic (she knows the score anyways).
And when you meet a girl who you really (REALLY) hit it off with, she’ll still see you for a ’hang-out’ or whatever else you want to call it. But using the word date lets you play into the fantasy she’s been building in her mind ever since she was old enough to start noticing guys. Powerful men aren’t afraid of the word date, they own it.
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