What Do You Think About When You Approach Women?
“OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD WHAT AM I GONNA SAY WHAT AM I GONNA SAY? ARGH! I let her walk right by me!”
Although we certainly hope not, a lot of guys come to us asking about how to approach women. Many of them ask how to approach women while getting rid of that kind of panicked self-talk. Those guys tell us that their own inner voices hold them back with excuses like, “I’m not ready yet,” “She’s too hot,” or “I don’t know what to say.”
Some guys label this as “approach anxiety,” (a word made up by Pickup Artists that actually creates more problems than solutions). Instead of pontificating on what the problem is, I simply want to focus on a few mental strategies you can use to start approaching women now. I want you to get out there and talk to lots of women – not chattering with other dudes about your “anxiety” or whatever.
Here’s a handful of mental strategies I’ve used to help myself approach more women in a much larger variety of situations and circumstances. Keep in mind that none of these strategies are the be-all-end-all solution to being able to approach any woman, anywhere, any time. Rather, these strategies are tools you can use to increase your ability to take action and greet more and more attractive women as you come across them in your everyday life.
Mental Strategy to Help You Approach Women #1: Mantras
Mantras are, according to Wikipedia, “a sound, syllable, word, or group of words that is considered capable of ‘creating transformation’.” In the context I use them in, they’re often repeated in order to really drive home some kind of important point to myself.
And by transformation, we’re talking about transforming negative self talk like the example above (“OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD WHAT AM I GONNA SAY”) into something more useful to our goals. Basically, we replace useless thoughts with beneficial ones. Some of my recent favorites helpful thoughts I’ve used to replace unhelpful ones have been:
- “Hmm, I wonder how she’ll react when I say ‘Hi, what’s your name?’ to her?”
- “I can never date any girl I don’t meet.”
- “If she likes me right from the get-go, things will go well.”
- “It’s my job to simply identify the women who are into me right from the get-go.”
- “The vast majority of people around me are indifferent or ignorant of my starting a conversation with this woman.”
- And if I’m getting flak from her within the first minute or so of meeting her: “Sorry, but your D-cups just don’t justify that J-cup attitude.”
Mental Strategy to Help You Approach Women #2: Visualizations
Another mind hack in the same vein I’ve used is practicing visualizing different ‘looks’ on a girl I want to go talk to. Rather than verbally trying to convince myself, “She’s not that hot,” I visually what it would look like if she was wearing a red clown nose, or how she’ll look in 30 years, or if she was balancing a plate of spaghetti on her head. The more ridiculous, the better.
After messing with an intimidatingly hot woman’s visual appearance in your mind, you might find it much easier to simply go up to her and strike up a friendly conversation. I mean, after all, it’s kinda hard to take her seriously with that Flock of Seagulls haircut.
Mental Strategy to Help You Approach Women #3: Awareness
The third mental strategy I’ve used to great success is practicing heightened awareness and mindfulness while out and about.
Most people walk around the world inside their own private bubble – trapped by the screen on their cell phone, locked into the music in their headphones or sometimes just stuck with the thoughts their own head rather than opening their eyes and ears, taking in the perceived world around them and interacting with it.
Here’s an exercise to help you get started on being more aware and interacting with the ‘outside world’:
- Head to a busy area where you can see lots of people. (Hopefully lots of cute girls are there as well, and you can go talk to them, but that’s tangential to this particular exercise.)
- Observe 3 details about any given person. These details can’t be a judgment or an extrapolation of what you perceived. Examples of incorrect observations for this exercise are “She looks like she’s 55 years old,” or “He’s well dressed.”
- The proper way to do this is to merely note a description of 3 things you noticed about that given person. Examples of doing this correctly are: “She has wrinkles under her eyes,” “He’s carrying a briefcase that matches his tie,” or, “Her left hand has a scar on the pinky finger.”
- Look away from the person you just observed 3 details about, then look back. Repeat the exercise, except this time, noticed 3 new details about them you didn’t notice the first time.
As you continue to practice this skill in awareness, start doing it all the time, everywhere. It’s an exercise in coming out to play. Rather than listening to your own thoughts inside your head, this exercises helps you come out and play in the physical world around you, all the while smiling, laughing and interacting with the other players here in this crazy game we call reality.
So those are three mental strategies I’ve used successfully for getting out and approaching more women. For all of you out there who want to be approaching more women as well, give these strategies a spin. You might find they work out really great for you as well. Or maybe not – the important thing is you get up, get out and to take action on the knowledge above to help propel yourself towards the kind of life you want with women. Your own experiences and actions will always be your best teacher.
If you give these strategies a spin and have any observations, comments or questions, go ahead and leave a comment in the box below. I’ll be sure to reply and give you my feedback.
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